There is something about having a baby that makes the entire world think they’re suddenly qualified to offer parenting advice. The moment that you announce your pregnancy, your great aunt, your barista, and even the random lady in the grocery line transform into self appointed baby gurus.
They tell you everything from which side to lay your baby on to which brand of diaper cream can change your life.
And the thing is, you’re so sleep deprived, hormonal and desperate to do the right thing by your tiny human that you actually listen. Until one day you realise that if you followed everyone’s advice, your baby would be sleeping upside down in a Himalayan salt cave wrapped in a linen swaddle while you chant affirmations about gentle parenting and vitamin D. At some point you have to ask yourself, should you really take advice about your baby?
The information avalanche.
When it comes to baby care, there is an overwhelming sea of advice out there, and the Internet has made it even choppier. You can’t scroll 2 inches without bumping into an article, a real or a gentle reminder from an influencer with perfect lighting and an even more perfect baby. You’ve got your mother saying one thing, your paediatrician saying another, and your favorite Blogger passionately insisting that you must never, under any circumstances, use wipes that contain citric acid. Exhausting.
Take, for example, the article 6 Signs Your Baby is Too Hot While Sleeping and What to Do by Newton. It’s packed with great information about keeping your baby safe and comfortable at night. It’s also a reminder that even good advice has to pass through one crucial filter: you. Your baby is not a carbon copy of anyone else’s, and you are the one clocking the 3:00 AM feeds and deciphering those mysterious baby noises.
The golden rule is to trust, but verify.
There is good advice out there, there is bad advice out there and there is ‘my cousin did it once and her baby turned out fine’ type advice out there. The key is to learn to sort through the noise. Before you change your baby’s entire routine based on something that you saw on Tiktok, ask yourself a few simple questions.
- Where does this advice come from? Is it a qualified medical professional or an established evidence based source – that is a green flag? If it’s someone whose credentials are mum of twins and crystal enthusiast, maybe take it with a grain of Himalayan pink salt.
- Does it fit your baby’s needs? What works for one baby is not always going to work for another. Some infants sleep like rocks in total darkness, but others prefer a light show and the noise machine.
- Is it practical? If a parenting hack involves 17 steps, three essential oils, and a handmade organic bassinet, it’s not going to survive your next night shift.
When advice is judgement in disguise.
Unfortunately, parenting comes with an awful lot of judgement. People will judge you for the way that you feed, the type of diapers you use, where your baby naps, and even how they sleep. The backhanded baby commentary comes from people who genuinely mean well, but they judge it wrapped in a pastel bow. Nobody knows your baby better than you, not even your mother-in-law who’s just trying to help. If your baby is fed, loved and safe, you’re already doing a fantastic job and you don’t need approval from the peanut gallery.
The fine art of being your baby’s voice.
You can never stop people from giving you advice, but you can speak up on behalf of your child. You can master the ancient parental art of the polite smile and nod, or you can openly say thank you, I don’t need your help. You can then quietly do whatever you are going to do in the first place. You don’t necessarily have to be rude about it, but you’re the person speaking up for yourself and for your baby and if it becomes too much, you need to communicate that. If people take that wrong and get defensive, that’s not your problem. Your problem is trying to get through the night feeds, the night shift, and dealing with learning how to look after a baby.
Your gut is your secret superpower.
You may not feel like an expert, but you carried that baby for nine months. You are gathering data every day. You understand what the cries mean, what the sleep patterns are, what the poop textures means, and what the milk intake is. That intuition that you’ve developed is worth more than 100 articles online.
If your gut is telling you something is off, call the doctor if your gut is telling you your baby’s fine, trust that, too. Parenting isn’t about perfection, but about attention.
Comparing your baby is a losing game.
Another side effect of advice overload is comparison. It’s sneaky, relentless, and a thief of joy. You might get to 8 months old and your baby hasn’t decided to sit up just yet, but other people’s babies have been sitting up since five months old. But that doesn’t mean your baby is behind. It just means they’re doing things at the pace that is right for them.
Some sprout teeth early, others take their time, some nap like angels, but others just don’t. There’s no timeline and no award for the fastest crawler or the first to sit. If advice makes you feel like you’re falling behind, you need to unsubscribe, unfollow, and reclaim your peace.
When to actually listen?
Jokes aside, there is a time and a place for good advice. Always listen to a health care provider when they give you medical guidance. Always listen if a parent is sharing safety information about car seats or something that you may not have been aware of that you can research for yourself. You should also listen to your own body and your instincts that tell you something is right or something is wrong. This isn’t about reinventing the wheel.
There is wisdom in experience and qualifications, but the best advice should feel empowering and not shameful. It helps you to breathe, not second guess.
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